What is Fun?

I need to start having fun more. Though sometimes I don't really know how. I'm starting to get a little grasp on what fun is. Like, when I usually think "have more fun" it usually translates as "do things that are fun for you" and I think and can't think of anything I particularly think is fun to do.

The truth for me though is kinda that even some things I don't like doing, or are boring, can be fun at times. Mostly when doing them with other people.

I think it might have to do, not with what is fun, but with what you like and doing things with them. This could also not be it, though. I'm just thinking out loud.

For me, what I like to do is share things with people. But like yeah, what makes things fun would be do things or whatever and sharing them with others that would like the things or ideas I do/think up. I can't always make my ideas a reality, but I can still have fun with what I think up (coughtimingguardiancough)

Different

Sometimes I feel like it'd be best for me just to think that other people don't have feelings like I do. I mean, they HAVE feelings, just they feel things differently than I do. Mostly in love. Which is why I think I have such a poor time/experiences with love.

Heck I mean, I hear people talking about how at times Courage the Cowardly Dog show was really creepy to them, but when I watched them as a kid, I like never felt that way about any episode.

I'm just weird and different though.

Why?

Why? Why is it that when I think about love, and other people being involved, that the fantasy HAS to go the direction of me being pressured into something I don't want to do, and in the end end up hurting alot of people, including myself in it? It just hurts to think of things that way, and it's just so hard to think of a happy ending/happy outcomes where everything's ok and I don't have to go through some tragic end cause of my fear of people being complete ego/control maniacs and have to fuck with me cause what I want isn't what they want or accept!

And like, I'm the kind of person where in really severe fear, I'm a really sore loser. Like I imagine if I got raped, I wouldn't care the consequences, I'd be looking for revenge, for a way for them to be a fricker loser to compensate for what they did to me. Not alert ANY authorities of what happen cause I KNOW how the system works (or NOT) with rape cases, so it'd be a waste of time. But seriously, this is stuff I don't want to have happen to me or think about! And just to clear stuff up, the thing I was thinking about wasn't rape that triggered this post.

I just really don't like thinking of such things and they put me in a REALLY poor mood, but it seems so hard to think of better situations sometimes!